That's how I roll

I've been on facebook alot lately...I confess it's a total distraction to all the reading I know I should be doing. One of the big surprises about networking and finding old friends from elementary, high school and college is the people my age who have gone back to school for nursing! What a surprise. Here I thought I had a singular idea in 2006 when I enrolled in Maria Alviar Agnew's summer school chemistry class. Little did I know that so many of my old friends had been doing the same thing!

I'm not any more organized than I expected to be at this stage in the game, with 6 more days to go before I head out the door for the first day of program. This is going to be a year of surprises and new experiences. I had a chance to see a old family friend hospitalized over Christmas after a nasty fall off his roof December 12. He has triple pins in his pelvis...and almost all his ribs broken. He's lucky to have survived it all. When I walked into his room at Santa Rosa Memorial, it was the same room Pop was in three years ago. Feeling a sense of deja vu, and seeing Pop walk down the same hallways he could only traverse by gurney three years ago, was really strange. Ray looked at me and said, "Are you sure you want to do this?" I've never been so sure about anything in my life, except marrying my husband.

At t-minus 6 days...I'm ready. That's how I roll.

Cleaning the boca and true teachers

I had my teeth cleaned today and realized I won't see these wonderful people who take care of my big fat boca again until I am half way done with the program..half way...unbelievable! While I was sitting in the chair having my chops digitally x-ray'd and sonically cleaned (yep..no picks), I thought about a few friends of mine who are suffering in the hospital right now with various trials...cancer, fall from a roof, a knee replacement and embraced the thought that every day of my life over the next 12 months will be learning the skills I need to care for patients suffering from cancer, broken bones, failed lungs, degenerative diseases and everything that comes with getting through a temporary or permanent crisis. My roadies are applying for loan forgiveness programs before school starts and Wells Fargo sent me a letter congratulating me on the exorbitant amount of debt I've just incurred. Thank you. I'm speechless.

We are well on our way to the insanity we've signed on to embrace over the next 12 months. Sitting here at the 14 day mark, I have several wishes for Christmas. Facing a life ending illness as a family is a time of tremendous stress, and can be a time of enormous grace. My buddy who is the hospital with broken bones after falling off his roof...is letting others take care of him now. We are all temporarily here in whatever state we find ourselves in, (healthy, sick, chronically ill, terminally ill), for a long life, or a very brief glance of life... what manner we arrive or leave, it's a gift; this journey. We better be equipped to make it better for those coming behind us, and leave something worthy behind. Merry Christmas and God's blessings to all, especially the sick and the suffering...you are the true teachers.

Collaboration...from fellow roadies

I've decided, at the suggestion of Comrade X to open access to the blog as a journal for us all, in that we are sharing experience, studying and hopefully supporting those coming up behind us. Training Wheels and Tales of Student Nurse applies to all of us taking this adventure together. You are welcome to post your own experiences. I think we need to avoid peer bashing and maintain confidentiality of patients and instructors, but the posts don't need to be lengthy. Hopefully we will learn from each other, while chronicling the roller coaster ride.

Surfing a perpetual learning curve

The roadies decided it was time to get a head start on reading and outlining, since we are in an accelerated program that essentially demands that we have eyes in the back of our heads. I am thinking I need one head to stay home, while the other goes to school, while the other studies and preps for clinicals. Then maybe the 5th wheel can come pick me up and start assembly somewhere near the laundry pile. I thought about giving up caffeine for good and the thought left as soon as it entered. Thank God. I know Christmas is days away. There is an attack plan for both. In the meantime I walk the dog down to the gravel road PRN for elimination purposes.

Medical-Surgical nursing is the basis for all the specialties that come out of it; oncology, pediatric, intensive care, maternity, geriatric, cardio-thoracic, neurology, and telemetry (nursing by monitoring).

The textbook is roughly 2000 pages with 12 sections, appendices, glossaries and a lot of stuff I won't have time to read, ergo the reason we need to divide and conquer it up front. We are supposed to master this stuff within a few months. I think med-surg is in constant influx and therefore we will be surfing a perpetual learning curve.

So overwhelming...

The roadies drove to school today for our library tutorial and it was nice to know that we have access to so much research. One of the roadies has already named her ulcer and I'm wondering if dementia will set in for me either before or after Christmas with all the stuff I have to remember for school. There is one side of me that is totally confident that I can knock this out and get it done in 11 1/2 months...and there is the other side that might as well be Thelma and Louise driving off the cliff of the Grand Canyon in a convertible.

Someone I admire greatly emailed today and reminded me how hard my program is. I think I am going to see if Costco has cases of bicarbonate...it's all so overwhelming.

Dansko is the way to go...

I forked over the money to purchase and break in a pair of black cabrio Dansko's because everyone tells me they'll last forever and save my feet, legs and back on the long clinical shifts. I also picked up a pair of white ones on ebay...for school. I am wondering why it took me so long to invest in a really comfortable pair of shoes.

I know after wearing them for the last 3 days, that I'll be buying these again...they are amazingly comfortable...hand made shoes.

Pinning Ceremony

Last night's pinning ceremony at S.M. didn't look quite like this (which is a traditional Capping and Pinning Ceremony), times have changed a little. Unique to the nursing profession is the symbolism behind the pinning which has it's roots that date back to the Knights Hospitalers and the white cross they bore in serving the ill and injured. Florence Nightengale distinguished herself during the Crimean War nursing sick and wounded British soldiers. Because of her selfless duty during the Crimean War, Florence Nightingale became known as the "lady with the lamp." As a tribute to Florence's dedication, the lamp icon became symbolic of nursing. Some ceremonies use the lamp/candle as part of their ceremonies.

Each graduate selects their pin...with the symbols that represent their school and RN designation. The person who pins them must be a fellow RN. What was perhaps the most touching thing for me to witness were the family members pinning their daughters/sons who shared the tradition of nursing in the family. Trude & I were pretty touched to witness our Comrades X & Y pinning ceremony. They had been through a lot. To hear the stories of what they endured over the last year, how they have changed, who they have become in the process. I also believe in the process of becoming nurses, their spouses should be commended as well, for taking this journey with them. The stories of separation while in school, the sacrifices they made so that they could succeed...the patients they cared for...the impact they made and will continue to make in nursing...we were humbled to witness it.

It would be cool to bring back some of the traditions since we are the centennial class of the newly designated S.M. University...

Below is the pledge thousands of nurses have taken in the past: I liken it to the Hippocratic Oath:

The Florence Nightingale Pledge

"I solemnly pledge myself before God and in the presence of this assembly to faithfully practice my profession of nursing. I will do all in my power to make and maintain the highest standards and practices of my profession.

I will hold in confidence all personal matters committed to my keeping in the practice of my calling. I will assist the physician in his work and will devote myself to the welfare of my patients, my family, and my community.

I will endeavor to fulfill my rights and privileges as a good citizen and take my share of responsibility in promoting the health and welfare of the community.

I will constantly endeavor to increase my knowledge and skills in nursing and to use them wisely. I will zealously seek to nurse those who are ill wherever they may be and whenever they are in need.

I will be active in assisting others in safeguarding and promoting the health and happiness of mankind."

Early bird gets the worm

Trude and I went to CSUS and turned in our letter of declination. I was the last person they accepted. The point cut-off was the highest it's ever been in that program's history. I don't have the time to worry about whether or not I made the right decision. We are set to get started at SM, we've got more than 1K invested already in books, tests, deposits, fees, classes...it's just time to say enough and go with the early bird special.

We heard Comrade at arms were going to go through ceremonies after all and decided it was important we be there. After all, it'll be us next year...it's so hard to imagine at this point.

We picked up rolling book bags today at 50% off. After stopping by and seeing the admissions director for CSUS, who has been gracious through this entire process, we headed over to LaBou and contemplated the last 25 days of freedom we have. Oy vey.

Pathophysiology made incredibly easy

I knocked out my pathophysiology final today and whew! This represents my last nursing pre-requisite and I finished it 26 days before program starts. I know this subject will stay near and dear to my heart once my regular nursing classes get underway, so the fact that I waited to take this class doesn't bother me since most of it was a review anyway. My textbook for the class was "Pathophysiology for the Health Professions", which was a fairly decent book, judging by the way I ear marked, highlighted and basically destroyed it.

At the suggestion of Comrades X & Y, I purchased a copy of "Pathophysiology made Incredibly Easy!" I swear Lippincott is making a fortune on this series...because you can also get NCLEX, Charting, Med-Surg and practically any other nursing subject made incredibly easy...at your local bookstore or at Amazon.

Another book arrived yesterday, "Surviving and Thriving ~ After a Life Threatening Diagnosis." This gives me a great idea after graduation...Maybe I could sell Training Wheels and Tales of a Student Nurse to some poor saps who don't realize what they are getting into!

Stethescopes...back ground checks...cake

Trude & I went by Bischoffs and tried the Littman Master Cardiology stethescope. It was comfortable...I still don't know what the hell I am doing. Since Mom & Dad wanted to buy this for me for Christmas, I am accepting it graciously...with the hope that I will be able to hang onto it and not lose it. Comrade X said I wouldn't need anything too expensive and they would teach us how to use it properly.

The only think left to get for my kit is a blood pressure cuff. I will only need this for the labs at school..because no one at the hospitals carry these around any more.

Financial Aid is settled...I'm set for disbursement Jan. 2, which means I will be letting the other school know that I am not attending. Two months ago I was dying to get into that school and now I get to finally tell a nursing school "no thanks" after being told that a few times over the last year and half. It actually feels good to have these options after so many attempts on my side.

The other thing we did which I said I would never do....is buy a pair of used professional shoes. Okay, that sounds gross...I know...but I Trudy and I both saw two separate pairs of white Dansko's on ebay that had hardly any wear at all. These medical shoes are well over $100 and we barely paid a fraction for them for a couple scuff marks on the bottoms. Anything to save a buck.

I am assuming I passed my drug and background checks, otherwise someone would have called saying I had some 'splaining to do. In the meantime, I take my pathophysiology final today. Comrade X steered me in the right direction to get that class at a community college in Southern California. I am relieved I decided to take that class on-line at the last minute, because I needed it for my program.

Speaking of Mr. X....He is graduating this week and is interviewing for his first nursing job. It will be so great to see people I had classes with actually placed in their professional. This same class takes their boards in one month. Light at the end of the tunnel, gold at the end of the rainbow...Given that the old Comrade has been such a help in the past...I hope I can be just as helpful to people coming up behind me...by the way, this pathophysiology final exam will be a piece 'o cake!

Dreams of my father & mother

This is funny... because as far back as I can remember, my Dad (I am sure this started when I was fairly little) would ask me the question, "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I would answer like a robot drone..."a doctor" and he would respond aptly in the affirmative and this was the little game we would play until I actually got a job as a high junior at the local ice cream parlour. The dream completely dashed forever, Dad stopped playing the game and I jumped into the teenage mode of doing whatever I (%^&*well) pleased. That was the story of my teenage years except...one particular month, after scooping perfectly weighed (yeah right) 4 oz. scoops of Mr. Mikus' special blend of Swensen's ice cream, a new girl started at the ice cream parlour (she had this crazy big 70's/80's hair) and she told me about a job she had as a certified nurses' aide working part-time at the local convalescent hospital. I had worked at the same place as a candy striper (not to be confused with stripper) when I was 12 years old. I asked about the work she did as a CNA and talked about certification and it peaked my interest. I decided that when my best friend left Swensens, I would too. The following summer I applied for the job at the hospital and they hired me. Based on some of the dirt bags they hired, I probably looked like Mary Poppins, sans umbrella. I was hired on the spot. I couldn't believe that I was going to be a professional CNA at 17. Little did I know back then...we did ALL the work, and I mean everything. The nurses passed meds and did report. In addition, they clouded up the break room with TV soaps and smoke and called doctors a few times. We did as much charting as they did and all the patient care.

Dad started to ask again what I wanted to be when I grew up...and my answer started to be "I wanna be a nurse"...at that point, Mom started to suggest a nursing school in Ohio (St. Lukes) and the dream began to fade up from black again. The irony of being me, is that within several months of working at the hospital, I ended up working as a high school senior volunteer at the local radio station. Take sound effect of deflating balloon.

When my patients started to die, plus sexually & verbally harrass me, I stopped thinking I was saving humanity by working as the only compassionate CNA at PVC Hospital. I remember baptizing a dying patient who asked for it and wondering if it really worked. I started to get burnt out on the heavy work that no one else wanted to do or avoided; such as impacted bowels, giving enemas, baths, and cleaning up accidents and soiled bed linens. I remember the night shift avoiding their call lights and just leaving the last minute stuff for the day shift. Getting deceased patients ready for the morticians or coroners was also a job that was a little depressing in that many of the patients we worked with had little family contact. A few times, after hard shifts, I'd come home frustrated and depressed. My uniforms stank and the little extra miles I did on the job seemed to leave little impact on the patients or my co-workers. The supervisors resented CNAs who made them look bad, so there was an unspoken rule to be just average. Whiners weren't tolerated and whistle blowers were put out.

As a senior, my grades were decent so I received scholarships for nursing (little ones but I was excited nonetheless). I registered for classes at the Junior College and started with Chemistry. As an 18 year old, I was not prepared for the level of study and tutoring I'd need to master chem, so I dropped it. It was a pre-req for every class I needed for nursing. I saw it as a sign to quit, so I transferred mid-year to SFSU and declared a new major, total unrelated to nursing. I liken that turn in the road as providential because it lead me to my husband and a couple careers I enjoyed.

As a nine year old, I would help my grandpa while he lived with us, with his meds or getting him blankets...and he would call me his little nurse. Was it a seed planted by my parents, my grandparents, or was care giving and advocating part of my genetic makeup. I'd like to think that there were specific calls from within my soul at 9, 12, 17 and 43 that called my soul to nursing. When I went back to school in 2006...chemistry was the beast I had to conquer and after taking 10 units of general and organic chemistry, I knew I was ready and it was time to finally fulfill, not only dreams I preceived my parents had for me, but the dreams I've always had for myself.

Sign on the dotted line...and never look back

To attend a private school, one has to look at the cost higher education with a sense of total abandonment and leave it at that. Whether you are attending Harvard Law or SM College, there are schools, anywhere and everywhere, that are willing to have you sign on the dotted line and sign your life way in three easy installment payments of $17,000.00 for one year's worth of tuition. Yep, that's how much it costs to go to 12 month nursing boot camp. I can't think about how I will eventually manage all this, given that I have just purchased what is equivalent to a souped up Lexus...but if I was a retiree who had just lost his shirt in his 401K, investing in your education doesn't seem so bad after all (this being the analogy that Comrade X's spouse gave me...and it makes perfect sense.)

When I look at the end of this ride which stops one year from now, I hope some nurse manager somewhere on this path will look me in the eye and tell me to come see him/her about a job when I graduate. Jobs in the market where I live are a little saturated right now for new nurse grads, but I know all things are cyclic and there will be openings eventually. Economic projections for health care are still the hottest commodity for future employment as the boomers retire.

My Mosby's diagnostic manual arrived this afternoon; it weighs as much as short bus, so I know we're going to need book bags with wheels on them. I am too old to do the backpack thing again. Can't wait to see the Med/Surg book... I'm going to put on my bifocals and get back to reading. Comrade X said this would be a good thing to do before school starts...plus the roadies agreed to help start outlining. Regarding my student loans though, my ultimate strategy at this point is to sign on the dotted line and never look back.

Meeting my roadies today...signing up for the same pain.

Trude and I met up with our roadies (we're all driving in when we can) and if study group is possible, we'll be helping each other out.

My buddy friend nursing student Comrade X is graduating and pinning next week so we are planning on taking both X and buddy Comrade Y (their spouses too) out to dinner to celebrate. They made the decision to go to SM more palatable. We basically saw what they endured (much like a long trip through purgatory on a really hot day) and since they are no longer on fire, we feel we will survive the walk. Toasty trip...maybe some tears, but survivable.

Incidentally, after talking today to Comrade X's spouse, it looks like there is a light at the end of the rainbow. They are both very happy...and I am so blessed to have friends such as these to help navigate the treacherous waters of nursing school.

Last night Trudy and I got the news we were accepted into another program (one we had tried twice before to get into - much to our utter despair)....getting the congratulatory email was rather anti-climatic because we had requested news on our admission status, actually begging and bribing for it...to no avail. As a result we had to pay for SM, attend orientation and order books. Getting asked to attend a program by two prestigious schools (one school offering two seats in both an accelerated BSN and Masters program); is nice, but after what we did to get there, I was actually too tired to actually be happy about it. "Congratulations on your admission...thanks...I guess." Bah humbug.

So, we met our roadies today and decided we had some things in common...the next 11.5 months are going to be spent with these people and it was easy to welcome each other, knowing we had all signed up for the same pain. Now if we could all just get the same lab schedules. I have a lot to look forward to.

I have my limits

The last couple of people I talked to about the issue of uniforms and student attire have all said the same thing. It's humiliating. The white scrubs never fit right and you can see through them. My guy friends who are nursing students recommended wearing cotton boxer shorts underneath. They said eventually the women all get a clue and figure this out, except for the ones who want you to see what's underneath door #2. Last night I tried on the uniform again and realized I ordered the wrong size school scrub tops. My buddy Fred gave me one of his old uniforms and it fits perfectly (but of course, in a fit of wishful thinking I ordered one size smaller at orientation). School hasn't even started yet, and I am already admitting my first mistake to my nursing director. Good job Snurdly!

The bottoms can never be overestimated and are fine because I washed them several times and they shrunk. I put on the whole ensemble last night, including the shoes...and drum roll please....my son laughed at my shoes. If he laughed, then I know I looked like a complete dork. (I don't even like that word..) There is simply no glamour in my life anymore.

Thinking I had smartly put this whole thing together...I am totally self conscious. So, it's off to Walmart to find men's boxer shorts to wear to school/clinic under my uniform. I think the deal breaker would have been white panty hose. I have my limits.

I think I can...

The first batch of books arrived today...plus my NCLEX review (that is over 1000 pages long!) I was talking to Trudy about the fact that every stethescope I've tried thus far requires an air tight, completely insulated sound proof environment for me to hear the faintest hint of a heart or breath sound. The only exception would be the abdominal sounds on my son...who is quite a volcano any given moment of the day. So, other than having an amplifed stethescope, I am thinking Littman has a cardiology model I can invest in, or maybe I just have ear wax that needs to be removed.

My physician called the other day to tell me I need to give more blood for my titers because the lab messed up the order for my physical. He also politely reminded me that I should watch my serum cholesterol (I do...just not the way I should); I expect that number will go down soon as there will be no time to eat once school starts.

Financial Aid called to say hello today. I developed acidosis and promptly medicated myself with Cosmic Cafe to intensify the stress. Who says we're so darn smart?

Today I opened, "Surviving Clinical" and promptly felt my BP rise. They are going to hate me. I know it and I am training myself to suck it up by making my kids irritable and not reacting to them. A couple people flipped me off on the highway today and I smiled back as if they kissed me. I can take a good beating...insults and criticisms. Clinical instructors are angels of mercy...I keep telling myself that...knowing they are going to kick my ass. Just keep on believing...I think I can...I think I can...

T-Minus 32 Days

January 5, 2009 marks a day that will ultimately lead me toward a lifelong goal I've had to become a registered nurse. I've known that I wanted to enter the nursing profession since I was nine years old. Given that I am now 45, it has taken a few decades for the synapses to start firing in the right direction. Like many middle aged nurses who entered the profession late in life, it took a few tragedies in 2005-2006 to wake me up to the idea that I've always been called to this profession, I just never quite got around to answering the phone until now. What has ultimately began with a summer school chemistry class, has now turned into an accelerated second bachelor's program that will last until the middle-end of next December.

I think I wanted to chronicle this journey for myself and my family, because they have sacrificed so much to support me in it. I also wanted to have a diary of sorts that revealed what struggles may come, as well as triumphs, knowing that each day will be different, every patient ~ a blessing and a challenge. How will I change in the process? What will I learn? Will this be the what I expected? How will I deal with the obstacles? Will Trudy still my friend and lab partner at the end of this roller coaster ride? (More about her later).... What physical and psychological challenges will I face? These are all unknowns right now, at T-minus 32 days.